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Identifying And Dealing With Codependency

By Edna Booker


People who are codependent are often unaware of how dysfunctional their relationships are. Codependency can be difficult to treat as people have deeply ingrained behavioral traits. They need to find their identity and self-worth from others as they lack this in themselves. In pleasing others and constantly looking for acceptance, they often sacrifice their own mental, emotional and physical health. This can cause a great deal of damage in families.

In a healthy relationship, boundaries are important. Codependents usually have a problem with boundaries. Their boundaries may be blurred and they will often go to great lengths to fix others and feel an unnatural responsibility for their problems and feelings. They go out of their way to please but will also control and manipulate others to get what they need. They may also have rigid boundaries that do not allow others to see what they are feeling or allow them to feel close.

People-pleasing and care-taking are often used to control and manipulate others as they need them to act in a certain way to make them feel secure. Communication is no longer honest as a result. There is an unhealthy clinging as they depend on their loved ones for fulfillment instead of finding it in themselves. They often give support to their partners at the cost of their own physical, emotional and mental health.

People like this have extremely low self-esteem. Under the surface they will often feel a sense of anger and resentment. This usually becomes worse with time and results in depression and feelings of helplessness and despair. They feel trapped and yet do not know how to change this.

In such a relationship, a partner will often cater to the anxiety of the codependent person. They delude themselves into thinking they are helping but they may just be reinforcing the negative behavior patterns. To repair such a relationship, it is important to set boundaries and for each person to find happiness as an individual.

In such a situation, there is often a lot of denial. Codependents know they are unhappy but they often fail to recognize that this is partly their own fault. They are likely to blame the problems on the other person and the situation. They often feel shame and guilt and find it very difficult to acknowledge they have a problem, let alone reach out for help.

There are many internet sites today dedicated to dealing with this problem. They help a sufferer to identify the problem by giving all the different symptoms. There are different levels of severity and the sooner some people receive help, the more likely they are to address the problem effectively and save their relationships.

The sooner someone reaches out for help, the less likely it is for the problem to reach critical proportions. Awareness, acceptance and then taking action is necessary sooner rather than later. Recovery is possible and there are various methods and techniques professionals use to address the issue and establish a healthy relationship.




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